Goal vs. process mindset is evident in Southern view of life
Southern Observer
By John Brock
I have to admit to at least one non-Southern element in my life. Unlike most Southerners, I am “goal” oriented while most of my kinsmen are “process” directed. I enjoy getting the job done or getting to my destination. Most Southerners, while they may enjoy the goal, they enjoy the process equally. Their life is much more leisurely and comfortable than mine. I envy them.
A few can do both. Take my wife for instance:
As an artist she finds equal pleasure in the journey and the destination. She can go on a trip, undertake a task or paint a picture with equal enjoyment of both the journey and the destination. She enjoys the process as well as the goal.
Psychologists tell us that people live and work for different reasons. Some for utter enjoyment. Others work for money while many work for recognition but most work for a combination of both. Frankly, I work just to get through!
I love finishing a task.
Because I am a goal-oriented person, while my wife is a process directed person, she enjoys life better than I do. She enjoys the journey. I, on the other hand, enjoy getting to my destination.
Several years ago, this came into sharp focus when we drove to the West Coast and back. It was a trip of over 7,500 highway miles of sheer pleasure for her but an ordeal for me. She was enjoying the trip. I was working hard at getting halfway and then anxiously looking forward to turning around and heading home. Oh, I enjoyed the trip and saw many interesting things along the way, but not like my wife did. She marveled at every moment - every sight along the way. I could think only of how many miles we had covered today and how close that put us to getting back home. Sense of place is something I do share with other Southerners – we all like to go home again.
My wife, on the other hand, enjoys stopping and smelling the roses. I wish I could.
She says the next time we take a long trip; we’re going on a tour bus. I suppose she is right to insist that this will be the only way I might relax on a trip.
We have been to Europe a number of times. I enjoyed it except for the flying. I am glad we went but do I want to go back? I don’t think so. I feel about another trip out of the country exactly how I feel about coon hunting. I’ve already been.
My wife can enjoy several processes at the same time. She can talk on the phone, fold the laundry and watch television simultaneously. She amazes me how she can wrap Christmas presents, watch television and carry on a conversation concurrently. I have to do one task at a time because it is impossible for me to share my concentration among several projects. During the past Christmas season, she tried to enlist my help in wrapping presents while carrying on a conversation with me. I just couldn’t do it. I have to do one or the other separately — not at the same time.
I finally figured out how to get out of doing things more fitting for an artist than for someone like me. Whenever I didn’t want to do a particular task, I would do a sloppy job (which wasn’t hard) and soon, very soon, she insisted on doing the whole thing herself. I found that the same principle applies to dishwashing, cooking, house-cleaning, etc. And besides, she enjoys the process so much I don’t feel guilty. I do not like to rob her of her pleasures in life.
After I retired, I thought it only fair that since I didn’t have to get up and go to work each day, I should help out around the house. I tried. Honestly, I really tried but I just could not enjoy the process. I was a man on a mission - that mission was to get through - to reach my goal. Consequently, my wife complained that I was doing my tasks too hurriedly and therefore, too sloppily. I just have not been able to enjoy the process of housework. My wife on the other hand can make an adventure out of just about anything. She is definitely a process-oriented person
So, we have made a deal. She enjoys the process and I enjoy her finished efforts.
My wife is away this week and will not be reading this column, so, let’s don’t tell her our little secret. After all, we wouldn’t want to destroy her next process adventure. Thanks.
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