The Citadel adds new meaning to the term “Student Body”
It’s official. Citadel graduates can now become “Alumni Forever.”
The college has joined a number of schools providing for alumni, or at least their cremated ashes, to be forever enshrined on campus. The school has announced plans to build a columbarium in the lower part of the college’s bell tower. For those of you, like I, who are unschooled in the parlance of stashing ashes of the deceased, a columbarium is a niche for a funeral urn containing the remains of the cremated dead. The Citadel will make available 400 “niches” for those wanting to give a whole new meaning to the term “Student Body.”
No purchase price has been announced but the new ashes-to-ashes depository will be dedicated in November at the school’s appropriately named, “Homecoming.” In making the announcement last week, The Citadel joins numerous other colleges and universities that also offer an opportunity for a final “Homecoming.”
Once upon a time in the South, when a person died, the remains were taken to the funeral parlor for “preparation” and then returned home to rest in state in the (ironically termed) “living room” where family members mourned for a day or two. The departed was then taken to the church and burial was likely in the cemetery next to the church – “just as God intended,” my grandmother would declare. A few private family cemeteries were maintained.
The only time you ever heard of someone being cremated was when an illegal liquor still inadvertently blew up or when a fireworks factory exploded.
But now, colleges and universities have found a new money source from the dead and their families by providing final resting places for the departed loved ones on the campus of their Alma Mater. Wonder how long it will take for the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) to sue to offer the same opportunity to non-graduates based on “equal protection under the law?” Do corpses have civil rights?
At more and more institutions, alumni can find their eternal resting places in the same environment where they first experienced keg parties, panty raids and other fraternity/sorority frivolities. And the college walks away with a few bucks to help run the store.
Some of these final resting places take the form of cemeteries but more and more pre-dead alumni are opting for “Memorial Gardens” where the deceased’s ashes can be stored. It seems that laws governing burials are not as stringent for ashes as for whole bodies.
This kind of homecoming is not exactly what I had in mind when I left college. If it catches on, we can surely become “Alumni Forever” just as those Alma Mater songs exalt.
Official at colleges say it’s a trend driven by baby boomers, who are seeking a greater sense of meaning and connection in their lives. The director of alumni relations at one college, explains, “People today are moving around the country all the time. They may have no sense of home, but they have fond memories of college and a sense of belonging there.”
“Homecoming Eternal” is even being practiced clandestinely. Duke University officials report that small mounds of ashes have mysteriously appeared in formal gardens on campus during the dark of night. The Blue Devil made ‘em do it, I suppose.
If you are contemplating a final resting place at your old school, it’s going to cost you, of course. University of Virginia, alumni can purchase a $1,400 vault in the campus columbarium. It can run into the thousands at some universities.
Now that the practice has caught on in South Carolina you can rest assured, if there is a buck to be made, other schools will follow suit.
Can’t you just imagine “homecoming” at Clemson as they get into the alumni planting business. They already have a prime appropriately named burial spot. They call it “Death Valley”.
Who knows? A brand new rivalry may develop with the University of South Carolina Gamecocks to see which school can plant the most alumni in the stadium end-zone at half time.
I can’t wait for the premier edition of “US News & World Report” designating the “Best Colleges to be Buried at.” Or “The 10 Best Colleges to be Caught Dead in.” Opportunities for advancement of the new custom are limitless. Just imaging college advertisements hawking: “We not only want to be your first college choice – we want to be your last one, too”.
And how about those Clemson jerseys emblazoned with, “Grandpa was buried at Death Valley and all I got was this lousy Tiger T-Shirt.”
The promotional possibilities are unlimited.